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Brainiac: The Party
|"Who next?" Rob mused aloud. He wandered around the room, looking the male partygoers up and down, searching for his next challenge. He found it in a group of...less than chiseled guys, leaning up against a wall.
"Group effort...I like that." They were all wearing makeshift military uniforms, hastily thrown together from army/navy store sale bins and Salvation Army deals. It looked like the soliders might be coming home to this very apartment.
Rob touched the first on the shoulder. "Select object. Edit."
There was something very amusing about seeing three guys who'd obviously spent a lot of time at the all-you-can-eat buffet dressed up like soliders (and a marine). Luckily for them, Rob could whip them into shape with no effort at all.
"Name: Elijah Masters. Age: 23. Decrease body fat percentage to six percent. Increase musculature 120 percent. Increase height to 6'1". Increase weight to 210 pounds."
Already his first would-be soldier was looking more like the product of a U.S. Army bootcamp, rather than the result of a few too many nights of binging on Chinese.
"Hair: black, high and tight, razor shaved on sides, 2 mm on top. Facial hair: none. Tattoos: 182nd Airborne insignia, left forearm. Clothing: load clothing template Army. Area of origin: northern Georgia. Speech: load speech templates Army1 and Southern5, multiplex. Adjust thought processes and mannerisms to match.
"Occupation: U.S. Army soldier, airborne infantry, rank staff sergeant, three years of service. Stationed at Fort Meade, MD. Alcohol use: occasional, heavy. Drug use: none. Tobacco use: cigarettes, heavy. Sexual orientation: heterosexual. Marital status: engaged. Children: one, age 2, male. Intelligence: increase 20 percent. Education: completed high school."
Rob couldn't think of too much else to do. In place of the fat kid lampooning the Army, he had fashioned a tall, muscular infantryman, decked out in full BDUs. A black beret rested precisely on his head, the sleeves of his BDU jacket rolled up to the elbows, exposing his unit tattoo on his forearm. His black boots were expertly polished, and he looked like the very model of a modern military man.
On to the next. Rob touched the kid in the center, who was dressed as a marine. "Select object. Edit.
"Name: Alex Rojas. Age: 27. Decrease body fat percentage to 4 percent. Increase musculature 150 percent. Increase height to 6'4". Increase weight to 230 pounds.
"Hair: high and tight recon, razor shaved on bottom and 1 mm on top. Facial hair: mustache. Nose: increase width and thickness 30 percent. Ethinicity: Mexican. Lips: increase thickness 50 percent. Tattoos: "Rojas," abdomen, Old English lettering. Occupation: U.S. Marine, drill sergeant. Stationed at Camp Lejeune, NC. Alcohol use: occasional, moderate. Drug use: none. Tobacco use: cigarettes, frequent. Sexual orientation: heterosexual. Marital status: single. Sexual activity: frequent, multiple partners. Intelligence: decrease 10 percent. Education: GED.
"Clothing: load clothing template Marines. Speech: load speech templates Marine3 and Hispanic2, multiplex. Increase voice deepness and loudness 80 percent. Adjust thought processes and mannerisms to match. Languages spoken: Spanish (native), English (fluent). Area of origin: Mexico, emigrated to southern California.
Rob paused. His Latino marine masterpiece was complete. One more to go. He moved to the final guy, also dressed in Army fatigues, and tapped his shoulder. "Select object. Edit.
"Name: Tommy Eruzione. Age: 19. Decrease body fat percentage to 8 percent. Increase musculature 180 percent. Increase height to 6'3". Increase weight to 230 pounds.
"Occupation: U.S. Army soldier, rank sergeant first class, in training to be a U.S. Army Ranger. Stationed at Fort Benning, GA. Area of origin: Boston, MA.
"Hair: razor shaved bald. Facial hair: none. Tattoos: "Hooah", left shoulder. Clothing: load clothing template ArmyRanger2. Speech: load speech templates Army1 and Boston5, multiplex. Increase voice deepness 100 percent. Adjust thought processes and mannerisms to match.
"Alcohol use: none. Drug use: none. Tobacco use: chewing tobacco, four times daily. Sexual orientation: heterosexual. Marital status: single. Sexual activity: none. Intelligence: increase 35 percent."
And just like that, Rob had minted two soldiers and a marine. The space formerly occupied by three out of shape college screwups in laughable military costumes was now filled with three intimidatingly huge and fully outfitted warriors. Eruzione's left cheek was bulging with a wad of chaw, waiting to spit a line of brown juice once time resumed. Rojas and Masters held lit cigarettes in their hands. The room suddenly reeked with raw masculinity, the air soaked with testosterone.
And it was only going to get better for Rob. As a closeted gay man, this was like a wet dream on speed.
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